Each month, Sparkology.com asks a curated panel of the nation’s top dating experts for their advice on a single hot topic as requested by our members.
THIS MONTH: “As a single mother, should I be up front about my children in my online dating profile?”
Even though it may decrease the pool of candidates who might initiate a conversation with you, our experts overwhelmingly agree that you are better off being transparent about your motherhood. Your children are a major portion of your life, and you would not want to waste your time with a man who isn’t ready to accept that. However, mentioning kids is different from writing a page-long ode to them. The profile is about you, not them!
Here’s what our experts say:
Maria Avgitidis
This is pretty tricky. The problem with online dating is that things we consider in “normal world” to be preferences can be miscommunicated as dealbreakers in “online world.” Single parents are in a bad position online, since most members tend to default browsing members without children. That said, if you are a single parent, you’re sort of a package deal! Whoever dates/marries you is also dating/marrying your kids. Yes, you should be up front about your package deal. You should also devote a paragraph in your profile describing the relationship you have with your kids. You essentially want to meet someone who’s cool with you being a single parent. They’ll understand that your priorities are different, and those are the dates that usually fare for more appreciation of your schedule and energy.
Owner of Agape Match, a matchmaking firm based in NYC, which caters to New Yorkers and Greek- American singles. http://www.agapematch.com/
Donna Barnes
Yes! The more accurately you portray you and your life in your profile, the better fit your matches will be. Commonality of values, ethics and goals is what makes a relationship succeed. Any guy that is scared off by your children is not right for you in the first place. Don’t waste your time. The more honest you are, the less heartache you risk down the line.
Life & Dating Coach http://www.donnabarnes.com
April Beyer
Your kids are a huge part of your life so of course, you have to mention that you have them in your profile. Just be careful that you don’t lead with “I’m a single mom” or bring them up in every section of your profile.
Matchmaker and Dating & Relationship Coach for Women.http://www.aprilbeyer.com/
Taylor Cast
Absolutely! Not acknowledging that you have children on your profile is misleading to potential dates. Kids are not for everyone and you wouldn’t want to invest your time dating someone only to find out they are not interested in having children or parenting your children. Be upfront and honest from the start so that while you are searching for your partner you can eliminate people from the start who aren’t a match for you. You wouldn’t want someone to lie on their profile about something that may or may not be a deal breaker for you. Honesty is always the best policy, online and offline.
Online dating and relationship expert, columnist at http://www.theurbandater.com
Laurie Davis
Mentions of children belong in the stats of your profile, not the copy. So when your dating site asks whether you have or want children, answer the question but avoid including anecdotes of your little ones in your description of yourself. It’s important to respect your children’s privacy, and matches will appreciate that you know how to set boundaries as well. Ultimately, your profile is yours and your opportunity to showcase yourself, your interests and your passions.
Online Dating Coach and founder of http://www.eflirtexpert.com
Erika Ettin
Yes. On most online dating sites, there is a checkbox for whether or not you have children. Always be honest here. It’s completely up to you whether you want to discuss your children in your profile (or show any photos with them), but at a bare minimum, choose “yes” when asked if you have children. You don’t want someone to fall in love with you under false pretenses.
Online dating coach and founder of www.alittlenudge.com
Suzanne K. Oshima
Absolutely, as a single mother, you should never try to hide the fact that you have children; your children are a big part of your life. If someone isn’t interested in dating you because you have children, then he’s obviously not for you and it’s better to find out that up front, than months into the relationship when there are more emotions at stake. For every guy that doesn’t want to date you because you have children, there’s another one around the corner who will, and will appreciate you and your children.
Matchmaker & Dating Coach Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette. www.dreambachelor.com
Julie Spira
Absolutely. While your primary online dating profile photo should be a solo picture of you and not one with your children in it, you should let potential dates know how important your children are to you. You’ll want to meet someone with similar values who understands that being a mother is a big part of your life. While you shouldn’t exploit your children online, don’t hide them from your date, as he’ll be more than surprised if your kids answer the door when he comes to pick you up for your date.
Online dating and relationship expert and bestselling author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating,” CyberDatingExpert.com
Neely Steinberg
Yes, you should. Turn this around and ask yourself the same question: Would you want to know in a man’s dating profile if he has children? I think most people want to know this kind of information up front. This is not a superficial detail. Children are a huge part of your life and not something you should hide – you want someone who is comfortable with this reality, anyway. Some people feel strongly about dating or not wanting to date a person who has kids; by mentioning you have them, you are weeding out potential mates who aren’t interested and saving yourself and others a whole lot of time.
Neely Steinberg, dating and relationship columnist;www.neelysteinberg.com
David Wygant
No. Lie and tell people they are your sister’s kids in your profile. Everyone lies online so why not join the club! Lets get serious now.
Be proud of your life, your choices and your kids. Having kids just weeds out the men who do not want an instant family. Your dating pool is smaller but much better qualified.
So never lie and let the quality men flood your in box!
Dating Coach & Founder of www.davidwygant.com
Do you have a hot dating or sex related question for our panel? Leave a comment below or send to experts@sparkology.com.
